Air of appearance

Watching ‘ Triangle of Sadness’ and some sea-sick, fine-dining passengers on a luxury yacht expelling remnants of gastronomy into beautifully-carved bowls of gold whilst fumbling to maintain an air of elegance and dignity— I thought— this must be the funniest thing I’ve seen this year until the camera pans to what looks like a squeegee cleaning a window, quite unfazed by incessant splashes of turbulent sea water— a job has to be done and it shall be carried out regardless.

Shoulda Gouda

Fatigue has a commanding disposition like forcing one to engage in mildly fun activities like trolling the comments section on a festive weekend. Featured in the spotlight was an oily lecher’s lewd behaviour performed under the guise of ordinary job description.

Then people who got nothing to do with this matter, began insulting each other in the comments section armed with the very same set of information, or lack thereof, with which to make unsolicited advice and judgements—name-calling, allusions to unintelligent savages—though neither were, on the surface, holding inexcusable opinions, apart from the vile victim-blaming ones like they came from aspiring perpetrators no doubt; that would have been obvious if only they had stopped to listen or consider each other’s arguments in earnest. That’s the problem nowadays—at root, the willingness to listen is losing traction and inversely related to another type of (over) self-confidence—they think they know better— coupled with a similar type of lack of empathy for the victims. (NB: as did the oily perpetrator)

‘Should not have done this or that’ camp—generally does not stray too far from victim-blaming with the exception of noble intentions especially when targeted at careless parents who have put their children in that horrible but avoidable situation in the first place—they ought to have known better being more experienced with the ways of the world, if only they used common sense. The key word is avoidable and this opinion is to be read, if one wants to give it a positive outlook, as an advice on how to avoid falling into the same type of nasty situation like Captain Irritatingly Obvious telling you that you should have locked your doors except people really do forget sometimes especially when fatigue overcomes them such as is common on the last day of family vacations, as was the case in question. Everyone could benefit from occasional reminders to take precautions as best we can, sure, as they would if people also had empathy.

‘Stop victim-blaming’ camp—this is where I fall—lamenting the pitiful show of sympathy. Since the past cannot be changed, speculating is as pointless as telling people what you would have done if you were in that same situation as you finger-wag, not least because you don’t have evidence to back this claim, then it would not be prudent to take your word for it because no reasonable person would have believed you—see the difficulty here? The truth is, there is no guarantee that you will have taken the wiser course—we all have said at some point or another, “I should not or should have done this or that” ie make mistakes. No one is the exception and the one thing we can take from reading another’s misfortune is that some mistakes are costlier than others at the right moment. Besides, with the benefit of hindsight, everyone’s wiser now that the exact sequence of events is made known—it is not the same otherwise, not least because human behaviour is unpredictable and that a determined man will not give up at first obstacle—If he can’t open the door, he will find another and then there will be another thing one ought to have done if only one were as clever as the commenter holding the ‘should have done’ opinion.

Some people share because they need sympathy especially when it’s clear that they don’t need advice or suggestions (such as call the police ASAP); that their painful feelings and memories are validated helps them with the healing process—it is perfectly reasonable to be upset given the circumstances and for the rest of us, really as simple as writing,”I am sorry this happened to you. I hope oily man is brought to justice.” That it would be a failing of society if anger and indignation are not shown at all to sexual abuse and towards the right people because of acts done intentionally; no one is given a pass to behave badly or commit crimes towards someone who is careless or when circumstances are conducive such as murder because no one will ever know.

Quite apart from whether one believes that some people are inherently evil by nature that they cannot help or stop themselves or that there is no such thing as a bad person, only people doing bad things, thus the case of being at the wrong place/time—it’s not the point of this post. Bad things happen and all we can do is to take reasonable precautions to guard against it. Some of our braver kin share their stories to warn others at the risk of being the subject of ridicule and/or recipient of unbearable shame that some people would do anything to avoid even if it will result in perpetrators getting away with crimes that we would not condone if it were done to us or our loved ones. What of sort of society do we want to build?

Should have, could have, if we must apply such woolly standards to the victims, then consistency dictates that we must apply some kind of standard to the criminal. He should NOT have done what he did. Period. Why should we hold the victims to a higher standard if indeed they ‘lack basic sense’?

At the end of this post, my takeaway from all this, and a lesson that I too must also learn: a fight with good intentions can be avoided by listening. Secondly, fatigue has a commanding disposition, it can make one silly and careless, much like (over) self-confidence.

Help and run away

Sarcasm abound in this post; take it as resistance training and chuckle, if it pleases you.

Some people’s harrowing experience involved alleged unprovoked walloping of two women by some number of men—this was picked up by some local news agencies and appeared all over Facebook. There might be some homophobic element in this but who’s to say these days? Since only one side deigned to complain about some savage-looking injury sustained during the onslaught and appealed for information to aid in criminal investigation, some people took this as cue to decorate the comments section with victim-blaming sentiments. Victims must have desired this attack, or any attack for that matter, otherwise, how could there be victims? Aligned to this view is the denial of its “unprovoked” quality which is achieved by speculating (or not) thousands of reasons as to how anyone could be deserving of such treatment despite having no evidence or indication of the same; this falls outside lawful self-defence due to pesky things such as danger, threat, opportunity to seek help from authority, non-excessive etc that made it difficult for normal people to rely.

If only the other side would come forth and tell us what they did in categorical terms for the benefit of those skeptical about the whole thing, as criminals are inclined to do. They usually end any public statement of admission by saying things like, “cash me outside, how bout da?” only then can they be arrested for invitation to arrest has been issued in no uncertain terms.

Which year are we in again? Oh, That’s right. It’s the very year in which there exists good reasons to be hurling oneself upon strangers and inflicting serious injuries. Good reasons such as irritating face, body language or expression, sexual preferences, accidental actions, rudeness, hurt by the possibility of rejection even though one hadn’t even ask or that everyone is entitled to prefer some characteristics over others, fear of unnatural hair colour and so on. That if other people are entitled to do the same—and there exists always someone else stronger or better than us if not now then soon as we grow older—then only the strongest and the fittest will survive, guaranteeing a miserable and very short life span for everyone else. Is this better because at least the principle of equality applies?

Others took their appeal for information using far-reaching platforms such as Tik Tok or Instagram as attention-seeking. Forgive me, I thought that was the point: to widen the net for witnesses to come forth. What would be the odds of that happening if such appeal was broadcasted to only a handful of people in a non attention-seeking private post? Or are they only reserved for cats, persons and other valuable things such as wallets or brains?

Even weirder still is the nature of the injury: too visible that it must have been the result of magic— nevermind that some things are so easily verified that it seems churlish to deny— it didn’t happen because they can’t wrap their heads around it, otherwise it would have been too simple to ask, who inflicted those injuries and why? Was a crime committed?

Speaking of making videos on social media for attention, someone happened to capture images of the perpetrators prior to the attack increasing the chances of identification, call for questioning and/or arrest. Interestingly, no one came up to offer any information until that precious clip began circulating—he claimed he was helping (can’t make this s**t up). He didn’t explain why he fled swiftly along with the perpetrators though.

Maybe he didn’t have time to stick around to give important witness statement because he has somewhere more important to be than hang around in a club he willingly went into. Oh dear, I hope he got to wherever he needed to be on time but more importantly, that he finds time to give that statement now.

Hello café, farewell

Opening and closing, new shopfront and signages greet new faces with new treats. Most of the time however, the familiar lingers in or under new packaging or management, priced according to the market’s love of trends and value of novelty like the first to past the post on social media or risk-free takers of experience to counteract ennui or feed the spirit of generosity and creative gift ideas; that will not keep them coming back enough times to keep things running let alone build a loyal fan base on whom one could rest upon for survival.

One cannot and will not keep spending on something that stings the hands that reach into the pocket—the joy of consuming chipped away and its raison d’etre—as opposed to one that is kind to the budget of the masses; problem only for penny-pinchers, calories-counters and so on.

One would remind us that rent, other running costs and a reasonable profit margin counts against affordability in the face of say, closing to cut losses or if one is luckier, make money from subletting, selling goodwill, recipes, know-how, franchising and other rights or shifting for lower rent after concretising a base from where to gain access to a bigger market, taking with them established market presence, awareness and loyalty.

It doesn’t make me sad to see a shop closing down knowing that another would just spring up in its place run by enthusiastic and optimistic business owners with the confidence the size of their creativity or capital expenditure such as decor and display cases— with the right strategy, the right business becomes an irreplaceable source of comfort and friendship. That home-based businesses (HBBs) are also thriving makes me worry even less, particularly the favourable outlook on the morals of those who support them (as opposed to cut-throat, capitalist landlords, amirite? *insert winking face* Just kidding), with lower prices at the cost of predictability and dependability but I suppose (amongst others) for you not only support their living expenditure, hobby, love and so on but valuable family time or indulging in other recreational/social/positive mental-health conducive activities, autonomy over working hours and how much one wants to tolerate as regards (difficult) customers without having to deal with a slave-driving boss. It also allows for some toggling between physical rent-payable store vs HBB within limits (of course) perfect for those hoping to wait out the storm.

That we move away from the inescapable rat-race, the hamster-wheel of consumption and working forevermore towards practicing mindful living and our values, applying revered principles to our lives, prioritising quality time with people or ourselves as Covid taught us to— are very same I dreamed for myself.

If only they (HBBs) could sort out delivery by making it competitive with other businesses which would look very likely if there were more HBBs mushrooming within a catch area in which to dedicate delivery service.

I’d still support them even with the covid situation improving and we get to hang around more outside — this introvert likes her private space with her goodies but as we set our priorities straight, we also get that extra time to enjoy sitting in a cafe surrounded by familiar and happy faces— we can also support their growth.

Cats in our HDBs (block)

Just throwing it out there; issues that feel close to my heart for a sense of night-vision familiarity

Lifting the ban of cats in public housing could have the effect of reifying roles and responsibilities of cat owners as they receive instructions, guidance and training, coupled with valuable experience of owning cats and knowledge sharing in the form of exchanging tips and other invaluable support. Currently, owners are mostly left to their own devices which varies and depend much on their individual access to resources and their resourcefulness. Those with the bare minimum may not be doing any favours at all.

As people become familiar with caring for cats, we can then safely hope for the overall improvement of their welfare particularly of those currently confined to the streets, forced to live in deplorable conditions as is expected from little to no care or support in terms of health or access to clean water, food or private place of rest. Without a ban, we can expect an enlargement of the pool from which caregivers come as they extend their houses as shelters especially from the worst threats present outdoors which includes pythons, crows, wild dogs, serial cat abusers, circulating infectious diseases, increase risk of injury and infections and so on.

It’s a plus for a booming sector in the economy; we can expect an increase in the demand for veterinary services and/or other cat-related products and services including grooming, pet hotels, pet-taxis, pet-sitting, pet-(overseas) relocation services leading to a decrease in prices to the point of greater and wider affordability and a thriving (new) market spurring innovation, creativity, jobs creation and investment opportunities.

People will have fewer reservations when it comes to taking in more street cats as they become affordable thus relieving the government of the problem of caterwauling cats that do their business and fight in public areas, angering residents.

Our mental health can benefit from our feline companions; some studies have shown that petting a cat are beneficial to people suffering from mental health issues such as depression, loneliness and so on. They are particularly helpful to our elderly, bringing them much joy and love through loyal and faithful companionship.

At the end of the day, it’s not a one-way take only relationship. There could only be so much happiness to be had from circulating happiness. Caring for an animal also instil values such as empathy, self-sacrifice, generosity, mercy, tolerance, patience, holding and keeping promises; fostering a sense of responsibility as well as important life lessons such as how to cope with the death of a loved one.

Happiness feeds and grow into more happiness. There is so much to benefit from this that it seems disproportionate and ridiculous to abandon them just to show loyalty to ignorant, ill-informed, lazy and often selfish views. I say, let our feline friends into our homes!

Cats banned from apartments

Reason for policy: inter alia caterwauling, urinating/defecating everywhere and difficult to contain indoors.

Response:

This policy must have been written by someone describing himself or caterwauling instead of writing sense. Cats like to use their litter boxes. They are not dogs that must do their business outside. They meow for a reason, usually softly to get you to do things and can hardly meow louder than dogs bark (context: certain dogs are allowed to be kept in the apartments). They scream when they feel threatened, as humans do, especially by other cats which will happen often when they are left to live OUTSIDE where other cats also live, instead of within the safety of their own territory and homes.

What a joke.

By virtue of their very own policy, they bring about the very result they wish to avoid: (community) cats defecating, urinating everywhere, unable to be contained indoors (because they are banned) hence, roaming indiscriminately and caterwauling (as they are challenged by other cats and things that pose a danger to them). Self-fulfilling prophecy written and perpetuated by the “best” minds of our nation. Sad.

Interview with people in their sunset days

A YouTube video that I found online

This video is soul-stirring; brave people share personal experiences and feelings with strangers for important lessons about life and living, for that I’m grateful. It also makes me ponder about my own answers to some of these hard questions.

My biggest regret is not telling toxic people to leave sooner—what a waste of happiness and an opportunity to be happy.

My biggest fear about death is that it will take too long to come. I’m actually, and I say this with complete honesty and confidence, ready to die; in the sense that I’m mentally prepared since my teenage years even though I’m healthy. I think it’s partly owing to the fact that I come from a huge family, loved many but then, they all started dying one after another, so young. To see death come for so many I knew and loved, makes me feel like I’m more familiar and at ease with it and because of it, there is no more space or excuse for a fear of dying to exist within me because it will not make sense.

Without this fear, I live. Live in a liberated but also determined to be my best, sense—like taking steps to leave the world better even small ones like telling people things they don’t want to hear so maybe they too can be better and do the same for others: thinking with a focus on cascading effects because it’ll happen, with difference only a matter degree—the sort of trail behind us, blazing or illuminating

Maybe that’s the key. No matter how much time we think we have left, short or long, to simply live the best we can like there is no better use for it. Maybe but I’m still open to suggestions.

May happiness and contentment fill our days ahead.

Said boob

Just elbowed a body positive lady in the boob by accident because I underestimated the amount of space between her and her friend on the left — she was taking a leisurely stroll of the station, admiring architecture, signages and things, occasionally checking behind that her teenage son has not lost sight of her in a largely, empty area and decided that she was going to stand on the right side of the escalator instead of the left where people normally stand, hence blocking my path to freedom, I mean the train, and I didn’t want to wait 5 mins for the next one—tick tock, the world is ending in 5 mins SMH. She said something to me which sounded surprisingly neutral in tone in a language with which I’m unfamiliar and to which I reponded ,”SORRY!” Actually, I shouted it and darted down the escalator. I don’t reckon it’s a request for feedback on quality and authenticity of said boob so I didn’t feel like I should say anything more; In any case, I don’t have much experience in that regard. Yup. That’s my assessment of an unfortunate and somewhat horrifying incident.

Pull buoy

Look to see eyes staring down. A grin barely cached by eyes that bare all.

I know what you think of me and I like it.

Glide under the surface, still and swinging. Too easy to forget unlike those bubbles.

Like how to have you heaving after I’ve sunk.

Kick off hard from the wall farther still, stirring the surface where those eyes will always follow.

Long-axis pivoting or shorter downward kicking, rise and fall intensely within sight and breathing.

Wait before you touch. Eventually I will sink and you can tug me from under.

Between my thighs and ankles, your washboard front and soft waves, skimming and drifting afloat.

Roll and pull butterfly with a sailing angel’s descent but peak with a graceful tail, pray don’t forget.

Like staying within your reach as you like it.

Endnote: To self reading this later and forgetting, this piece is about me balancing a pull buoy between my legs as I alternate training butterfly and freestyle arm (swim) strokes; lifeguards as always, watch closely in case I run into trouble.

Chasing questions

Oceans have rules by which one may not abide. Choose from unsettled rules instead and chase after your own tails. You hope to come up glorious unlike everyone else, like everyone else. Actual strength is not visible, my friend, until tested and that, in itself, lies the why.

Bluefin tuna do not stay in conceptual things such as territory of Man. Even then, not closed like an open flame in a tight jar.

I dreamt of wedding dresses—cream, white, yellow and red. Strangers were invited to the small-scale event because they offered a valuable service of selection. They will come in the place of people I already know and confirmed, do not like.

Even though they suggested a poor fit expectedly and the ones I selected is a poor fit unexpectedly. Tailor-made expectations are all there is.

Anything can be done quicker if no time is wasted on non-essentials—such as how to eat a banana with cutleries in a formal setting. Chi-chi moist cake, cream betrays more than fondant.

I choose red in a dream within a dream and we break for lunch—hungry and confident for 2 days time. From where come this confidence? Plain old broom and out through the front porch. The extraneous falls apart with time to undress the fundamentals, you will see.

Everything good about you is best for me while everything bad is made bearable so I can wait.